Understanding And Protecting Your Children From
Child Molesters And Predators
What is child sexual abuse? Sexual abuse of children is a harsh fact of our society. It is more common than most people realize and it could be part of a childs daily life. Child sexual abuse is any sexual act with a child performed by an adult or an older child. This might be fondling the child's genitals; getting the child to fondle the adults genitals; rubbing an adults genitals on a child; or actually penetrating the child's vagina or anus. There are many more acts committed against children that are against the law and any sexual act committed against a child is criminal and it must be stopped.
Child Sexual Abuse is reported up to 90,000 times a year, but the number of unreported cases is far greater because the children fear telling anyone what has happened to them. The problem should be identified, the abuse stopped and the perpetrator should be arrested and the child protected.Up to 50 percent of those who sexually abuse children are under the age of 18. (Hunter, J.A., Figueredo, A., Malamuth, N.M., & Becker, J.V. (2003). Juvenile sex offenders: Toward the Development of a Typology. Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, (2003) Volume 15, No. 1).
20 to 50% of adolescents who have sexually abused children were themselve victims of physical abuse and approximately 40 to 80% were victims of sexual abuse (Hunter, J. and Becker, J., "Motivators of Adolescent Sex Offenders and Treatment Perspectives," in J. Shaw (Ed.), Sexual Aggression, American Psychiatric Press, Inc. (Washington, DC, 1998).
Children who abuse others often have been victimized in some way themselves. Acknowledging and addressing the distress these children have already faced is a good way to help end this abusive cycle. Experts and parents agree that with specialized treatment these children can heal and diminish the risk for experiencing or inflicting further harm.
While the prevalence and severity of child abuse in the United States has been given an increasing amount of attention -- attitudes, definitions and statistics continue to vary. The examination of incest may incite some of the greatest discrepancies, for it remains one of the most under-reported and least discussed crimes in our nation. An almost international taboo, incest often remains concealed by the victim because of guilt, shame, fear, social and familial pressure, as well as coercion by the abuser (Matsakis, 1991).
One of the nation's leading researchers on child sexual abuse, David Finkelhor, estimates that 1,000,000 Americans are victims of father-daughter incest, and 16,000 new cases occur annually (Finkelhor, 1983). However, Finkelhor's statistics may be significantly low because they are based primarily on accounts of white, middle-class women and may not adequately represent low-income and minority women (Matsakis, 1991).
Incest can have serious long-term effects on its victims. One study concluded that among the survivors of incest who were victimized by their mothers, 60 percent (60%) of the women had eating disorders as did one-fourth (25%) of the men. Of the 93 women and nine men included in this study, 80 percent (80%) of the women and all of the men reported sexual problems in their adult life. In addition, almost two-thirds of the women stated that they never or rarely went to the doctor or the dentist as the examination was too terrifying for them. Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) -- which includes amnesia, nightmares and flashbacks -- also remains prevalent among incest survivors (Vanderbilt, 1992). Additionally, there is research which indicates that children who have been sexually abused by a relative suffers from even more intense guilt and shame, low self-esteem, depression and self-destructive behavior (such as substance abuse, sexual promiscuity and prostitution) than children who have been sexually assaulted by a stranger (Matsakis, 1991).
88% of cases of sexual abuse are never reported to the authorities (Hanson, R.F., Resnick, H.S., Saunders, B.E., Kilpatrick. D. G., and Best, C. (1999). Factors related to the reporting of childhood sexual assault. Child Abuse and Neglect, 23,559-569).
Early interventions reduce the potential for harm and assure that everyone can get the help they need to keep children safe. Since children cannot protect themselves alone, adults must learn to recognize and inquire about behaviors that make children vulnerable or suggest that abuse has occurred. Waiting for children to tell about abuse leaves them to face the confusion and trauma on their own.
Child Abuse: Signs And Symptoms
Although these signs do not necessarily indicate that a child has been abused, they may help adults recognize that something is wrong. The possibility of abuse should be investigated if a child shows a number of these symptoms, or any of them to a marked degree:
Sexual Abuse
Being overly affectionate or knowledgeable in a sexual way inappropriate to the child's age
Medical problems such as chronic itching, pain in the genitals, venereal diseases
Other extreme reactions, such as depression, self-mutilation, suicide attempts, running away, overdoses, anorexia
Personality changes such as becoming insecure or clinging
Regressing to younger behavior patterns such as thumb sucking or bringing out discarded cuddly toys
Sudden loss of appetite or compulsive eating
Being isolated or withdrawn
Inability to concentrate
Lack of trust or fear someone they know well, such as not wanting to be alone with a babysitter
Starting to wet again, day or night/nightmares
Become worried about clothing being removed
Suddenly drawing sexually explicit pictures
Trying to be "ultra-good" or perfect; overreacting to criticism
Physical Abuse
Unexplained recurrent injuries or burns
Improbable excuses or refusal to explain injuries
Wearing clothes to cover injuries, even in hot weather
Refusal to undress for gym
Bald patches
Chronic running away
Fear of medical help or examination
Self-destructive tendencies
Aggression towards others
Fear of physical contact—shrinking back if touched
Admitting that they are punished, but the punishment is excessive (such as a child being beaten every night to "make him/her study")
Fear of suspected abuser being contacted
Emotional Abuse
Physical, mental, and emotional development lags
Sudden speech disorders
Continual self-depreciation ("I'm stupid, ugly, worthless, etc.")
Overreaction to mistakes
Extreme fear of any new situation
Inappropriate response to pain ("I deserve this")
Neurotic behavior (rocking, hair twisting, self-mutilation)
Extremes of passivity or aggression
Neglect
Constant hunger
Poor personal hygiene
No social relationships
Constant tiredness
Poor state of clothing
Compulsive scavenging
Emaciation
Untreated medical problems
Destructive tendencies
A child may be subjected to a combination of different kinds of abuse. It is also possible that a child may show no outward signs and hide what is happening from everyone.
Healthy Sexuality In Children
Sexuality is a part of every human regardless of age. Below is just a partial list of healthy sexual behaviors in children:
(Wurtele & Miller-Perrin, 1992)
Preschool (0-5 yrs.)
Common: Sexual language relating to differences in body parts, bathroom talk, pregnancy and birth. Masturbation at home and in public. Showing and looking at private body parts.
Uncommon: Discussion of sexual acts. Contact experiences with other children.
School Age (6-12 yrs.)
Common: Questions about menstruation, pregnancy, sexual behavior. "Experimenting" with same-age children, including kissing, fondling, exhibitionism, and role-playing. Masturbation at home or other private places.
Uncommon: Use of sexual words and discussing sexual acts.
Adolescence (13-16 yrs.)
Common: Questions about decision-making, social relationships, and sexual customs. Masturbation in private. Experimenting between adolescents of the same age, including open-mouth kissing, fondling, and body rubbing. Also, voyeuristic behaviors. Sexual intercourse occurs in approximately one third of this age group.
Protecting Children from Sexual Assault
Make sure you know what adults and older children are doing when they are with your child.
Most sexual abusers are well known to you and your child. They are most often family members, friends, and caretakers rather than "strangers."
Be cautious of adults who or who:* Spend large amounts of time with children if it is not part of their job
* Flirt with your child.* Your child tries to avoid or is uncomfortable with.
* Abuse drugs or alcohol.
* Physically abuse their wives.
* Have been convicted of a previous sexual offense.
Support your child's right to say "no" to unwanted touching, even if it is not sexual touching.
* Be wary of even innocent touching by a relative who hugs or kisses your child in a way the child does not like.
* Be wary of bullying by an older child.
* Take your child's complaints seriously. Help come up with solutions.
* Refuse to leave your child in the company of adults you do not trust.
* Do not leave your child with these adults even if your lack of trust is "just a feeling." Sexual offenders often do not look or behave differently from non-offender's.
Screen babysitters and day care providers.
* If your sitter is an older child or young adult, talk with the sitter's parents to get a sense of how responsible he or she is.
* Let the sitter know that your child does not keep secrets from you.
* Talk with the sitter and your child when you return about how their time together went.
* Screen day care centers and preschools.
* Observe your child at the day-care center or preschool.
* Ask for references.
* Ensure that you have the right to visit the center or preschool at any time.
* Talk with other parents whose children attend the center or preschool.
* Make sure you are informed about planned outings before they happen.
Talk to your child about sexual abuse.
1. Clarify the vocabulary.
* Make clear what you mean by words and phrases such as "hurt," "get into trouble," or "fool around."
* Teach your children the correct names for sexual body parts, such as the penis and vagina. If you use the term "private parts," come to agreement on what are private parts.
2. If you are uncomfortable or tense discussing sexual issues with your child, let your child know this and then discuss these issues as best as you can.
3. Avoid confusion between healthy sex and sexual abuse.
* Discuss healthy sex as a separate issue without mentioning sexual abuse.
* Provide your child with a good understanding of what healthy sex is, keeping it appropriate to his or her age.
* Define sexual abuse as the kind of touching that can feel bad to the child because the child does not want it, is confused about it, or was tricked into it.
* Define healthy sex as touching that both people want and that occurs only between adults.
4. Explain sexual abuse.
* Gear your explanation to your child's age.
* Begin by explaining unwanted, confusing, or secret touches.
* Talk about the touch being sexual. For example, "Someone may try to touch your vagina when you do not want them to."
* Be specific. This will make it less frightening and confusing. For example, "Someone might try to put his hands down your pants or might keep rubbing up against you or might undress in front of you for no good reason."
* Clarify with your child that sexual abuse is not likely to happen and that most adults and older children are good people.
5. Talk about who.
* Explain that it may be someone your child already knows.
* Explain that even nice people, like the people your child knows, can do bad things. Some people may not even realize that what they are doing is bad.
* Explain that it may be a person who gives your child something in return for your child's involvement. For example, "I'll let you watch TV if you undress for me and don't tell."
* Explain that it may be a person who threatens your child and makes your child feel frightened. For example, "If you don't lie down with me, I'll hit your sister."
* Explain that it may be a person who asks your child to keep a secret.
* Answer your child's questions about puzzling adult behavior.
6. Talk about secrets.
Let your child know he or she should keep no secrets from you. Explain the difference between a scary "secret," which may involve something "bad," and a "surprise," which is usually "good."
is to trust your instincts."
---Parent
Listen to your child's explanation for disclosing the abuse. Make sure you report the abuse and help your child understand that the abuse was not his fault. Give lots of love, comfort and reassurance. Do not show that you are angry and if you do let your child know that you are not angry with them. Let your child know how brave he is and how proud you are of him for trusting in you to disclose the abuse.
Communication is the key to prevention, parents please educate your children/child on sexual abuse. Don't wait until the child molester educates your family!
Children who disclose the abuse are very brave and rare
